Rose

It is amazing the number of people that I seem to be at odds with here. At home there is always the chance to escape, but there is nowhere to go here. Dave and I still have our occasional problems, but for the most part we have worked things out regarding our differences. Possibly a more serious problem is Rose. I have no since nearly the beginning that there would be tension between us. The past two or three weeks have really drawn it out. After think about the problem I believe I have a few reasonable explanations.

Rose and I are both strong characters, very opinionated and set in many of our beliefs. The similarities go much deeper than that, but there are a large number of differences as well. My initial take was basically the similarities and difference form a combination that are irreconcilable. The best way to avoid conflict would be to avoid one another, since that isn’t possible I have chosen to ignore the issues as much as possible when they come up. After a major incident Sunday night I had to reconsider that position.

If felt and still feel a large part of the problem is a difference in upbringing. As the oldest child I have always tried to take the role of the leader, set the example, do the best that I can, but at the same time forge ahead past the restrictions placed on adolescents by the parents. By no means would I consider myself to have been rebellious, and I think my parents would agree, but I would generally have to work at getting what I want.

Rose on the other hand is an only child. Much of her behavior even now away from home, 20 years old and at college can be attributed to the typical attitude of a single child. They are spoiled little brats that are used to getting their way with little to no whining. It is this attitude brought into conversation and debate that drives me up a wall. It seems at times as if she things the world owes her something. She speaks with a conviction and expression on her face of udder seriousness and attempted maturity, while the rest of the time she acts like a 10 year old.

After talking to Teresa briefly about it yesterday I think I have finally realized what truly is the problem. Although the above mentioned things are true, I think the fact of the matter is I see in Rose what I hate about myself. This is perhaps the most bothersome part of being around her I think. It is the arrogance and perpetual attitude of knowing everything. Seeing it is like looking in the mirror of me in the U.S. I know I do it, I’m generally not proud of it, and am well aware that it is the thing that bothers most people that I have known. The irony is I don’t do it in Europe. I didn’t last time either. Something about the American culture and competitiveness draws it out, which I don’t understand. Thus having it thrown back at me here while stepping away from it is both annoying and disturbing.

I of course have not been able to talk to Rose about all of this. I was going to the other night when Artemis intervened. Talking about it could have major repercussions in the group. It may be best for me to leave it be now that I know what exactly the problem is. We’ll see how things go next week after I get back from Germany.

I’m leaving for Germany tomorrow morning at 6:30am by the way. I’m going to Darmstadt to visit my friends from last time, which I’m really excited about. This weekend should be great minus the long travel days that flying with Ryanair requires. I’ll post when I get back.